HOW TO GET OVER IT? When Overthinking Eats You

        Have you ever felt so discouraged and ashamed to the point that you just want to quit your job as soon as possible? Maybe you made a mistake. Perhaps, you had the worst experience at work. Or maybe, you just don't get it and it feels like you’re not adding value to the company. Overthinking could be eating you. You cannot stop thinking about your mistakes and what others think of you. A mindset like this could kill your career.

 

For years working in the customer service industry, I’ve dealt with a LOT of complaints handling processes. From over-the-phone profanity to throwing the office phone in front of me. Worst case; we had the police over to handle things out of our control. Yes, it can be extremely stressful for us. There were days, at the beginning of my career, when I couldn’t even eat my lunch because of the culture shock I experienced. But thanks to the first sets of managers and colleagues I had privileged working with, they helped me overcome the feelings of defeat and insecurities.

 

So how did I overcome this culture shock? As I already mentioned, I was very privileged to be in a healthy work environment when I started. My managers really empowered me to do the job assigned to me and were very clear that I can use my logic and judgment when making decisions. Remember this: you and I were assigned to our position after going through different hiring processes and training because they have already put their trust that we can provide the result expected for that position. Going back to the first question on how to overcome this, it was not instant. There was no magic. Just like learning other skills, it comes through time and practice. And I will share with you two things that helped me through time.

 

First, we need to know the problem. OUR problem. We are prone to be self-centered or me-centered. Wherever things don’t go your way and when we make mistakes, we get insecure. The questions we always ask are all about ourselves. “What did I do wrong?” It’s not a bad question. We all know that there’s always room for improvement to be better next time. However, it’s not always about us. Finding the answer to that question is not always the solution.

"When we come to the point of doubting ourselves, we need to shift our way of thinking."

 

 Vocabulary.com says that “A self-centered person is excessively concerned with himself and his own needs.” This is what we need to change. When we come to the point of doubting ourselves, we need to shift our way of thinking. Instead of questions towards us, ask what could be the reason for the other person to act in a specific manner? Let’s put it this way; you are a front office agent in a hotel dealing with a mad guest whose credit card declined and wants to pay cash for the stay, which is against the policy. He insists on staying and saying you’re discriminating them, and it’s been the worst customer service in the world. Wow, you just began your career, and now you're a failure in the industry. What you need to do: try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think of what would you feel if you were them? Will you be mad? If so, what could be the reason?

 

They probably have nowhere to stay, and your help is their last straw. Maybe they’ve dealt with a bigger problem before meeting you today, and they cannot handle any further conflicts. Make it about them. Empathy is a great skill to have when dealing with this situation. They are not mad at you personally. You were just the first person to break the bad news. I can talk more about the specifics of this some other time but let’s now move to the next point.

 

Move on and think about yourself. You read it right. After forgetting about ourselves, we’re gonna think about ourselves again. This is not about taking our side and defending ourselves, and making others wrong. But what I mean here is taking care of our mental health and considering our career development. Whether you have successfully handled the complaint by yourself or by escalating it, you need to move on with learnings and not with baggage of negativity that could poison your growth. Because if you don’t, you will be stuck questioning yourself while everyone moves on in life.

"..you need to move on with learnings and not with baggage of negativity that could poison your growth."

 

I’m one of those people who has a really low self-confidence. I always think that I’m not good enough, and I always make it about myself. It took a lot of time and courage to overcome it. And honestly, I still need to remind myself a lot of times that whatever other people tell me, those people who don’t personally know me, is not what really defines me as a person. However crumpled a $100 bill is, it will still have the same value. That’s the same as however someone shouts and criticizes you won’t change your value. So in order to take care of my own overwhelming emotions, I learned that I had to empathize and make the problem about others.

Those are the two things that helped me take control of my overthinking. I hope you find this helpful because I know a lot of people struggle with this. And if you are one, how do you battle with it? Feel free to share a story or a link that could be a help to me and to others with us!

 

P.S. Go back to the photo at the top. Make it your goal to be able to smirk like that while drinking your coffee after a long CHP because, at the end of the day, you just did your job. lol